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Yesterday Sebastian, my only son grew up so much that I almost cried. He hasn't been my baby for a long time, though he'll always be my baby boy, in the same way that Victoria will always be my baby girl. God blessed Adam and I with 2 children, one girl and one boy. They are both happy, healthy children, for which I am so greatful. Yesterday, Sebastian got what many may consider his first hair cut. (though it has been cut many times before!) We have, yes even at his young age left the decision about how his hair should look up to him. He didn't want it cut for a while and it got longer than some of his little girl friends of the same age, then he wanted it a little shorter, but not too short. However, yesterday he told us that he wanted his hair like daddy's. So, they got out the buzzer, which scared me a little and started using numbers to describe the type of cut he would receive. Thank goodness Adam was there with me or I would have been lost, almost as lost as the first time I tried helping Sebastian pee standing up. They should train mom's for that, seriously! I still don't really have that one down, but it's O.K. because today, the day after his big haircut he stood up in front of a public restroom toilet and peed like a little man. He didn't have to have help with his snap on his pants either, because that's something else he just started doing today. He figured out how to snap them alone, and when I had to take he and another little boy to the bathroom he was so proud he showed his little friend how he could do it all by himself. The other little boy lifted his shirt to his belly button and then tried to snap his own pants as well. Sebastian was very encouraging and although the other little boy didn't quite get it he gave it a valiant effort and Sebastian told him to keep trying. I am so proud of my little guy. He is a gentleman to his mom and usually to his sister. He is a ladies man like his daddy. He is the most adorable, handsome, little almost 4 year old you ever did see, and with his new haircut his eyes pop out more than ever. He needs no assistance in the restroom except when we're out and he can't reach the soap, or at least reach it with the pressure to pump it. He makes friends quickly, and reaches out to the down trodden. When I want a kiss he tells me, "Do that sad face," before he gives me one. He is so grown up and yet he's not even 4 yet. He has been learning Bible verses, and to hear him say verses about God making everything beautiful, makes me smile as I picture him as one of God's works of art with audio, my beautiful boy inside and out.

posted by MrH @ 11:21 PM 0 comments

Belief-O-Matic is not responsible for my soul.

I used the belief-o-matic today. They stated as a warning that the belief-o-matic is not responsible for your soul. However, I took belief-o-matics little quiz and it aligned my beliefs most closely with the orthodox quaker, maybe I should move to Ohio or Pennsylvania, California has a lot of quakers as well, but it's too darn expensive. Maybe I should start a quaker group right in my own community. Maybe I'm already part of one without calling it that. In reading their description it did mention that they meet on a quaterly or monthly basis. :) They can have organized services like with a pastor or meetings where they sit in silence until someone has something to share. O.K. I'M NOT REALLY THINKING ABOUT ANY KIND OF CONVERSION OR ANYTHING, BUT I DID FIND THIS INTERESTING! I also find it interesting that a friend with whom I am sharing my journey, took this quiz and had the same orthodox quaker result. I read their entire, brief description of an orthodox quaker and although the idea of an inner light sounds a little freaky I can't say that if I thought about it I would disagree. The Holy Spirit lives within me and who's to say that the Holy Spirit isn't an inner light? The Bible does talk about light in reference to God. I know there is nothing I can do to save my own soul, but that God offers me the free (that means no works requirements attatched) salvation, through his son, who in his oneness with God died for my sin, and rose again defeating death. I believe that we (as humans) will all stand before our creator and be judged. I am confident that God's word is ultimate truth and it tells me in John 10:28 "I (Jesus) give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father (God), who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."
As for how this affects the way I live my life...Matthew 28 says to go, baptize, teach, and how do we teach other than through example of obedience ourselves. I have always loved people and I do my best (though I am far from perfect in any sense) to love those that aren't as easily loved and everytime I have given way to doing so, (loving those who aren't easy to love) I have found such warmth and love returned that it's unexplainable. If I love my neighbor, I am not going to try and hurt him or steal from him or do him any wrong. And if he has different ideas of how to live life, that is between him and the creator. I can only live the life God has blessed me with and try and love my unlovable neighbors as well as the ones that I love without thought. I know I am loved. I see it and feel it wrap around me like a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer, the ones that smell snuggly fresh and for the love I am able to give and receive I am greatful and peacefully content!
To see where belief-o-matic places you visit: www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html , but consider yourself warned neither belief-o-matic nor I will claim responsiblity for your soul! ;)

posted by MrH @ 9:30 AM 1 comments

I have a cold. It's really not so bad. I set an alarm today, because I was late picking up Victoria yesterday and she had to sit in the office. I asked her if she was there for like 5 minutes and she said no only one, but I still felt bad. There was really no excuse for being late, besides that I lost track of time. So, I set the alarm. I plan on being early today and just reading my book until Victoria gets dismissed. I really have two awesome kids who I reallized the other day will not be finished with high school until 2020. It seems so far away and yet right around the corner.

posted by MrH @ 10:28 AM 1 comments

Poetry, is it something we all jot down at one point and time in our lives.
Do we all think we're poets? Are We?
Sure I've written my words in journals, scribbled them on napkins, reciepts, and other miscellaneous ink or lead receiving objects I could find when thoughts I deemed worthy to be saved I then transcibed.
I had a collection. I think they are still lingering in my memoirs and in my mind. Although hidden deep they'd be hard to find.
Artists, poets included, always have a dark side and my black hole has been filled. I do not have deep wounds to linger upon, though for which I do not find myself wanting.
Not to say my dark side does not exhist, we all have one, my black hole gapes open just enough to suck my spirit dry on a rare occasion, only enough for a brief depression, but not long enough to spend time writing about the pain...maybe I should.
I eventually look up...then look around at all the hurting people I am surrounded by and realize that my life is so good and I again forget about the black hole, as it is absorbed by a supernatural filler. I find a peace that does not require pouring my soul upon the blank page, leaving the unsoiled napkin, saving the trees, on my knees...the supernatural is good!

posted by MrH @ 12:38 AM 1 comments

Two Tommys for the sweetest little girl I know!

Victoria was reading one of her little books and there was a Tom in the story. She said, "Grandpa's name is Tom, but his real name is Tommy, I have two Tommys." It warmed my heart that she was excited about "having" two Tommys, one of which is not family by blood, but in Victoria's eyes just as much a part of her family as her grandpa.
After reading to Victoria tonight she was journalling and I had to get her my booklight so she could continue after I turn the light out for Sebastian. She wanted me to see after she was done and she'd written, My best Mom, and drew a picture. After she'd fallen asleep, I went to turn out the booklight that she'd already turned off and closed up. I wanted to see her journal page that she'd already shown me. I felt a little weird about opening up her journal, but it is a journal, not a diary, and she is only 5. Anyways, upon turning to the afore mentioned page, I noticed some revisions. She had added to My best Mom...and Dad and drew a picture of him right next to me and there was a heart between us. I am glad that my children recognize the love between their parents. May they be as fortunate in love as I!

posted by MrH @ 11:25 PM 1 comments

Last night, Bubble Wrap, and America

Sebastian told me he didn't want to drain in the tub. I think he meant drown in the tub.
He also told me yesterday during the almost every week day race to the car down the school sidewalk, through the tears, "It's not fair, I was behind, Toria treated." Which I derived that he lost the race, why does there have to be a winner?
After their bath we went to put the kids to bed and after their story Sebastian asked (like he often does) "Would you lay with me a little bit while?" After I layed down he then asked if I would sing to him and I started in on Twinkle, Twinkle. He stopped me and said, "No, the Mm, Mm, Mm song." He was, to translate to paper asking me to hum, which pretty much means, would you hum Lullaby, because I only hum it because I don't know all the words. Then while humming my mind began to wander about words, which made me (don't ask me why) think of Madonna. She wrote a book that I just purchased from a dollar store. I guess she should stick to performing! I actually really enjoyed the book. I thought it was well written and nicely illustrated. There was even a moral to the story! You know she has that song Get Into The Groove Boy, which went through my head while still humming. Then I heard, "Sometimes a boss just has to dance," which conjured up disterbing memories of some "dancing" I wish I'd never witnessed. It was funny though, I guess. (It was the first time we watched a full episode of the office not surrounded by a bunch of its fan base.)

Now this has nothing whatsoever to do with this post, but I started to think about different songs and America, America use to be one of my favorite all time songs, I guess it still is. In its lyrics is a line, "Purple mountains majesty, ever fields of grain." I have been thinking of home, Wisconsin a lot lately. Maybe it has to do with falling in love with little Noi Matuzsak, and knowing I have two either nieces or nephews to be born in the next month. I am so excited, and yet it saddens me because I will not be there to share in the excitement or to help the new moms. When I was home in August I was on a run, when I was running by one of my parents neighbors hills that isn't there anymore! They tore down Haag's hill. It still kind of blows my mind when geography is changed like that. It was one of if not the highest hill in our town. Now it's not there any more. The Haag home is still elevated quite a bit above the road, but the road seems like it use to be even higher than their house, and that part of the hill is no longer there. Anyways, while on my run some of the new wild grass that was planted on the side of the road was blowing in the wind and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It was almost like ocean waves, but in tall blades of grass, which made me think of America, America, and so I sang it. You know I really don't hear songs like that one or really many other patriotic songs sung anymore, that makes me even more sad than not being home. Besides, I would be running that route more often and thinking those same thoughts more often or maybe I would become cold and callous to the idea that we aren't really a patriotic people anymore. Maybe that's good, maybe it's bad, I guess I just miss the music of a passionate people. 9-11 was a terrible tragedy and my heart goes out to all that suffered needlessly, but it was neat to see the patriotism that errupted in the aftermath. It's just too bad that it takes war or acts of terrorism to spark what use to be common practise. Everything seems so wishy washy to me. Maybe I need someone to lock me up, torture me, and see what I'm really made of, and what I truly stand for when push comes to shove. I'm not asking God, it's just an observation.

While watching Conan O' Brian, he informed us that when confronted by a shark that one should punch them. I guess Victoria is well beyond her years. A year and a half ago she was at an aquarium with her dad and reached her hand inside of a shark tank that shouldn't have been open and she punched the shark that the aquarium guys said very well might have bitten her!

posted by MrH @ 11:20 AM 0 comments

$7.31

I took my children to McDonalds for a 1 o'clock lunch today. They were so good, while I ran errands after picking Victoria up from school. I knew they were hungry and so 2 errands from the end I told them we would go to McDonalds. I had to stop home and grab my latest crochet project, and grab some extra change. O.K. I have already seen Super Size me, and yes we still on a rare occasion eat at McDonalds. My children have slid into peepee puddles, and yet we still go back for more, after immediate evacuation and several weeks of boycotting. You just can't beat it! We stayed and played through the comings and goings of three different families. Victoria made friends with at least one child from each family, and Sebastian was feared by all. (He was the monster most of the day, until I heard his low down blues song about no one wants to play with me. I guess nobody enjoys being the outcast even if they put themselves in that position, at least not for very long.
I ordered them each a hamburger, with Cheese for Sebastian and without for Victoria. Now Sebastian isn't some super cheesehead like his momma, but for a few cents more you could get a double cheeseburger vs. a simple hamburger, so we shared. We ordered one $.99 medium french/freedom fry and a drink to share which we added no ice to and refilled only once. When they were done eating and got in a play break we ordered 2 soft serve icecream cones. In total we spent a mere $7.31 for more than 2 hours of entertainment and that included lunch! What a bargain, yes, a bargain for me. I sat and crocheted and laughed at the funny things our kids would say with the other parents. Really it was an enjoyable afternoon! By the time we were done they were wiped out and although they didn't take a nap they sat and watched a movie, peacefully other than the giggles. I never knew Lion King was so funny!

posted by MrH @ 4:01 PM 2 comments

Kids and a long day!

I have been alone with my children today for almost 12 complete hours, without so much as jumping on the treadmill. Running calms me! The only conversation I had with another adult was for a brief moment when I dropped off food to a mother of a 2 week old baby with a toddler and preschooler with chicken pocks. Thank goodness for the chicken pock shot. I was telling my kids what chicken pocks were because Sebastian was saying he wanted chicken pocks. Victoria after hearing that they are little sores that you get all over your body, that may itch, asked me if there was chicken inside the sores. I told her No, but that maybe whoever named them might have been pecked by a group of chickens and ended up with a bunch of little red marks, thus chicken pocks. All I know is that chicken pocks was a miserable week or so of my life! I have 2 scars from scratching. And now my son is asking for them?! Adam just got home though so I am going to go soak up some adult interaction. I know it's almost ten so it may be too late for a movie, but maybe we'll live on the wild side tonight. I was in bed by 10:30 last night!

posted by MrH @ 9:40 PM 0 comments

I'm finished!

I am so excited, I finally finished Anne Lamonts, Operating Instructions. I read the bulk of it yesterday and today. I really didn't enjoy it all that much, and can't wait to get into my next book. I am weighing between Blue Like Jazz and V for Vendetta, which belongs to a friend, so I will probably read that first. Besides it would be nice to read something completely fiction.

posted by MrH @ 9:17 PM 0 comments

Don't Quit!

This morning Victoria was painting with some watercolors, making a snowman out of black paint. He (the snowman) had an orange nose that looked like a carrot and two eyes and a mouth whose color I can not recall. When she went to paint a companion for her solo snowman she messed up and started slash painting, and then set, kind of slamming, down the paint brush. She was clearly mad. I told her not to quit. I tried to encourage her by telling her she had then created something new. She said, "Yah, but no one will like it." I told her it didn't matter if anyone likes it or not as long as she tried her best. "Besides," I said, "Some people will probably like it and some people will not, but who cares!" Afterwards she thanked me and said, "Thank you for not letting me give up." Then we hung her snowman slashing on the refrigerator under the "Love" stick pin.
Last night I was working with some other adults with some children. There came a time when we were leading the kids in prayer. Some of them began to pray, repeating the words after the teacher, who said to be quiet and let her pray, which sadened my heart a little. It is always amazing to listen to children pray. I know most of the time when Victoria will lead the prayer over meals she won't even mention any kind of blessing or thankfulness for the meal, but God knows her heart and where two or more are gathered He is there in our midst. I just remembered another sad moment, at our Thanksgiving meal it was very clearly stated that an ADULT should pray. None of the adults were volunteering to lead and Victoria was so excited! It kind of broke her spirit it seemed a bit when she couldn't pray. Whey not encourage our children. I think we should listen to our children pray a little more often. Besides, I know He knows we are all thankful for the food we are about to consume, especially when the prayer is lead by a child who forget to mention it, and we are all thinking don't forget the food. Heck, if God can understanding our mumblings and groanings I know He can hear our thoughts.
Just one more thing that both Adam and I noticed, during that teacher lead prayer the kids were sitting criss cross applesauce, which is the 21st century kindergarten version of indian style in case you aren't politically correct. Anyways, one of the boys with hands palm down, was face down during the beginning of the prayer. Now maybe he was just tired or goofing around, but how much more reverent can one get than to be in that prostrate position, maybe his parents are true prayer warriors! I have a friend whose prayer life I could learn a thing or two from and she often prays in that position. O.k. so maybe this was just something for Adam and I to watch and be touched by, but do we have to look like angelic children from a storybook criss cross applesauce/indian style with our palms together like we're about to perform here's the church, here's the steeple, open the doors and there's all the people. Now, don't take this as any kind of criticism of the teacher, the reason for which I didn't mention any specifics is to focus on the children praying, just observations of how we mold our children into what we mold them into when we teach them and don't sometimes don't take a moment, often because we don't have one, to step back and learn from them. I want to say to all the children who have a heart for God, don't stop talking to Him, he hears you and listens to what you have to say and it doesn't matter how you say it or in what position you are in when you say it. Keep praying, even when we tell you not to, DON'T QUIT!!!!!!!!
On a different note, Adam and I received a very thoughful and unnecessary, but much appreciated token of appreciation for being parent helpers in our daughters class. We enjoy helping so much that really we should be the ones handing out thank yous! Thank you to any and all teachers, helpers and volunteers, especially those with a heart for children, I know sometimes it must be trying and tiring, but please, don't quit! I truly appreciate you all!

posted by MrH @ 12:14 AM 0 comments